Thursday, 10 January 2013

Is Marriage For Everyone? An Eye Opener

Is marriage is for everyone? i think most of us have thought about this at one point or the other and we may have come to different conclusions but coming from a society (Nigeria) where marriage is seen as a status and perhaps even an elevation this argument wont even stand a chance.Once you're married the way you're received in your community, work, church and among your friends change, the respect and sense of responsibility is overwhelming, a single man who is ripe for marriage and isn't is sometimes perceived to be irresponsible or even classified as a player and the pressure from his family especially if his mother is alive will be very intense and it is even worse if it is a single lady because she has to answer questions from all corners of her life like hey why are are you still single? when are you bringing a man home? or when are we going to carry our grandchild? and yes maybe you're being disturbed by a spiritual husband ! 

One thing that I know for sure about “Is marriage for everyone?” is that marriage is not for everyone. Many people get married because you're simply in love with your partner, your parents or family members continuously ask you when you’ll get married, and or your past 30 or 40 and you feel its time to settle down and get married. I’ve been reading this article about marriage and it read other reasons why people get married: “Some marry for love, some marry for money and then there are some who marry purely for the companionship.”

But there are people out there in the world and being married just don’t fit their character. Everyone has a different character, and being married just doesn’t work for everyone. Like for someone who usually don’t have many responsibilities now settling down and having a lot of responsibilities is a drastic change and may not work out when in a marriage. Another reason can be some people having doubts during a marriage believing that they can’t spend the rest of their lives with the same person. Which is a reason why marriage doesn’t work for everyone.

All of this just make me think that marriage isn’t for everyone, but you can still be happy without being married.

Now being single provides us with or personal space and renders us with the ability to be our self, here is an input from a writer online please enjoy

A lot of my boys are married or have been married and I can tell you this from the deepest part of me and that is most of them tell me to not get married at all or hold off as long as possible. It’s funny how they have to sneak around sometimes to do normal things to have fun. Like for instance one of my boys we had to sneak out and get beer because his wife all of a sudden thought he shouldn’t drink beer anymore (the same beer he been drinking the four years they were dating). This isn’t also reserved for men but women as well. I have heard of women whose husband doesn’t want them to go out or wear certain clothes because she is now married (when it’s basically the same clothes she met him in).
These are just a few small incidence of foolishness that goes on within marriages. Many people will try to say that these are the worst of situations within marriage…but are they really that abnormal? There will be those who will say that things really don’t change and shouldn’t but they do. People have pre-conceived notions of what a husband or wife should be. Many times we separate the idea of being married from just being boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s funny the people who are always advocating marriage the most many time are people (mostly women) who have never been married themselves. The truth of the matter is that many of us are not conditioned are built for a marriage.
The Western Culture we live in has some of the most hypocritical ideologies it amazes me. On one hand we conditioned to yearn for a marriage and in the same notion we are the most individualistic culture in the world. We can’t be marriage material when we truly are all about self-servicing. Marriage is the only thing I can think of that everyone is so gung-ho to want to do when they have a high chance of failure. How do we not cautiously think about these choices with the staggering statistics? We are cautious about everything from safe-sex, drugs, and breast cancer awareness but where is the marriage cautiousness. We don’t do the necessary soul-searching, introspective thinking, and self-evaluation to truly conjure if one we are ready to get married and two if we are even marriage material?

Marriage Divorce statistics (in percent)
First Marriage 45% to 50% marriages end in divorce
Second Marriage 60% to 67% marriages end in divorce
Third Marriage 70% to 73% marriages end in divorce

Marriage is the joining of two people to become one vessel not two vessels. People many times nod and say oh yeah I can do that. I’m not selfish and self-servicing. The problem is many of us tolerate someone of truly loving them. Toleration is I’m going to put up with this or that for the sake of the relationship. The problem is toleration has a time limit while love doesn’t. Are you really ready to love someone instead of tolerate someone? This is truly a deep question that one has to really think about internally.
“Love is a beautiful thing that can build you up to the highest level but you must know how to harness that energy to get to the highest level”One of the strangest things in society is the hardcore pressure to get us all to get married. If we want to believe it or not we are pressured both directly and indirectly. For instance, think about how if a person says they are 35 years old and has never been married or had kids someone will look at them like they have leprosy.

Now a person says they have been married twice with 4 kids it’s looked at as okay. The culture of America embraces the idea of marriage so much that the failure of marriage is even celebrated more than never being married.  This society makes it so easy to get married but why is it so hard to get divorced then?
This post isn’t here to bash the institution of marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful thing if both people have a strong grasp of who they are and how they are supposed to coalesce (see Relationship Credit Score). Society has to get over the notion that you aren’t squat just because you haven’t been married or you and your mate haven’t gotten married. We have to look what makes us truly happy not what makes us acceptable within the social template. The institution of marriage has changed so much from the days of our grandparents that we need to adapt to the times. We can’t think that our marriage will work the same as Papa and Granny. We look to the positive marriages we see as examples(insert Will and Jada Pinkett Smith or any other “successful” celebrity marriage) but we also need to recognize the more abundance of horrible marriages.  We continually look to the exceptions and not much of the rules of the world. We can’t neglect to look at those failed marriages and just egotistically believe that “our marriage” is going to be so much different.  Ask yourself : Why will my marriage be any different? Marriage isn’t just love, its communication, finances, mediation, etc. Love just won’t just get you through everything like the books and movies portray.
Most of society doesn’t want a husband or wife but they want a projection of who they want them to be. We aren’t ready to be married because we aren’t ready for unconditional love but tolerable love. Don’t think about the societal factors of being married really think…Am I ready for marriage and do I really want to be even married? There is a lot of work that goes into getting that “Happily Ever After”.

Written By Femi Shine with inputs from

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