Tuesday, 8 January 2013
Marrying Early....Is It Advisable? (Interesting Article,A Must Read!)
This happens to be a very sensitive topic especially if you're head over heels in love at the moment and you're considering walking down the aisle with your "special one" but is it an advisable move? Does it hold the long term goals we want to accomplish in life? A lot more questions need to be dissected and also does age play a role in in the kind of maturity need for this kind of life time decision;a man of 20 can behave and make decisions better than a man of 35 and above or do we hang on to the norm that the older we get the more experienced and mature we see things well anyways let's dig right into it and learn a thing or two.
Marriage means that your considerations about what you’d like to do right now and in the long term have to take into account another person, who may have very different ideas about what he or she would like to do. This can be limiting and mean you must compromise or give up doing some of the things you like when they don’t make practical sense for the couple. Though you are still an individual, part of you must always consider that your life is made up of a two-person team. While some couples that married too young have created successful teamwork, it’s clear many others failed miserably or had to sacrifice their needs for the sake of the team.Other people who married too young believe that they missed out on learning how to live on their own.
When people go from a parent’s home to a new home with a spouse, they miss this step. It’s also anybody’s guess how a person will change and grow once they’re out of their teens. 18 year olds may have some character bents, but the thought that they are fully formed and have all their ideas in place is pretty silly, given the vast changes that occur as people mature in their 20s. How a person is now can change dramatically in the course of a few years, and these changes don’t always contribute to healthy marriages. There are certainly some couples who married too young and make it work, but it might be a good idea to talk to them about what they gave up. There are just as many couples that were unsuccessful in early marriages and they may also have insight that a person marrying young has not yet acquired. Though there currently seems a push toward younger marriages, the high risk of divorce, the potential pitfalls of these early marriages, and the possibility that you will have to give up many of your personal goals, make this a matter for very significant
consideration and thought
At a young age, you can't really know what is a good relationship and what's not, because you haven't experienced enough. People leaving bad relationships always seem to have that, "What was I thinking?" feeling, because when they were in the relationship, they were unable to see that it was bad. The ability to recognize red flags can only come with experience.
Another problem is that you will constantly wonder if you made the right decision, without having the experience to answer that question. This may seem like a minor point, but having that nagging concern that you can't confidently get rid of can really undermine your feelings about the relationship over time.
Most people also quite naturally want to spend some time looking around, being single, and just enjoying themselves. You may not be feeling that way now, but spending some time in your young adulthood being single is a valuable experience, and one that people who marry young not only miss out on, but often regret missing out on. It's worth noting that single people are generally more free to explore their own interests and pursue possible career options and travel opportunities.People who don't have a lot of relationship experience aren't particularly good at maintaining relationships. It's a cliche to say that communication is important, but it is hugely important, and not as easy as it sounds. Without experiencing a relationship breaking down because one partner was too shy or otherwise unable or unwilling to express problems they are having with a relationship, or because one partner, when confronted by their partner with a genuine relationship problem, got angry or defensive, shutting down communication, or for any other communication-related reason, people can underestimate just how hard communication is, how much work it takes, and what it means to truly communicate, in the sense meant by us cliche-spewers. Young people thinking of getting married should ask themselves: is there anything bothering me about the relationship that will bother me more if the problem continues? Have I talked to my partner about it? Has s/he responded with an honest attempt to solve the problem, or at least expressed a willingness to discuss and come to a compromise?
This is all meant to be helpful, and not discouraging, of course. If you are certain that none of these problems apply (e.g. both partners are remarkably experienced for 21 year-olds, have had their share of exploration of relationships with others and of their own interests, and are first-rate communicators, able to recognize and gently but clearly express problems that need to be addressed and respond constructively when presented by the other partner with such a problem), there's nothing wrong with getting married, and it can be a wonderful experience, symbolic of your commitment to each other, that brings you even closer together. Young people should think very hard, and very realistically, about their relationship before diving into a marriage, though.
Written by Femi Shine with input from http://completewellbeing.com/article/early-marriage-look-before-you-leap/
wonderful topics at www.femishine.blogspot.com