Sunday, 13 January 2013

Virginity Is Overrated ??

Virginity, that word is like windows xp these days, its outdated I mean who even thinks about it? I come from a society where virginity is viewed as the jackpot of marriage . Well I've heard stories of parents of the both sides of the couples waiting outside of the hut of newly weds in the villages to confirm if the white sheet spread under the new couple has been stained by blood during the breaking of the hymen , awaiting the groom to step outside with a smile of triumph for penetrating bride which is followed by giving a goat to the father of the bride as appreciation for making sure his daughter's vagina hasn't been traumatized by the raging snakes between the legs of our young men! Alas ! Gone where those days, do we even have virgins anymore? I think they are as rare as mercury in Nigeria and the churches are not spared too, those fine young sisters will lecture you on a thing on two about sex which makes you wonder if you're old fashioned or something.

Virginity is even seen as a stigma and those who are virgins can't wait to get rid of the hymen already!  Truth be told you can hardly find a girl of ages 14-24 who is a virgin in Nigeria and if you're 25 and still a virgin its either you're dulling yourself or you're obsessed with the idea of wedding night fairy tale we've been feed since we were kids.

To me there are a lot of downside to hanging on to virginity till marriage and I'll share a few.

Sex is an activity of the mind and whatever results from what goes on in the brain can be transmitted to your sexual organs and that's when you get aroused and stimulated but the problem is sometimes during the first time the female could end up with a bad experience such as pain , tear or no stimulation which thereby leads to her reluctant to have sex due to the experience and yes it does make her frigid too,is that what you want from your new wife? A log of wood on the bed while you pound on with your manly fury?

Sometimes men get disappointed because due to past experience which most men have had with multiple partners before marriage they find their new virgin bride unable to drive them to such peaks of pleasure they've achieved with other women which thereby leads to frustration in bed and then into the arms of another much more experienced woman.

Dude,what is the most important quality you would like to see in the woman who you’ll marry??” I asked a friend of mine.

“She should be a virgin!!” He promptly replied.

“VIRGIN…Why??”I asked curiously.

“Well…..because I don’t want “used stuff” and basically I want to be the “first-one” with my wife!!”He Said.

My lips curled, and I asked him “So you don’t support premarital sex……..and you are aren’t indulging in sexual activity before you exchange vows with that special-someone.”

Taken aback, He retorted “Mad Or Wot……. I’ll do IT at least once before getting hitched!!”

Got the hypocrisy??

My friend isn’t the only guy who expects his future-wife to be a virgin, and strangely so also making it the top criteria but not applying the same code for himself. There are innumerable guys in the world and particularly in our country who think the same way. I wondered why is being a virgin/non-virgin such a big issue. To many, virginity is the step in adulthood. According to most of the religions, virginity is the “prize” of a marriage. This factor contributes a hell lot in influencing people while forming a mindset. Most women think that being a virgin until marriage is the best way to give yourself to someone, to expose yourself to something sooo new in the arms of someone who truly and deeply cares for you.

For a girl, possibilities of having sex as a teenager with your partner and then breaking-up with him can be emotionally very difficult to handle. Sadly for most of the boys its just another “adventure” and even you will agree, sometimes “an achievement to brag about“. Some people even “collect” virgins for their desire to be “first“. Also, many people look down upon non-virgins as sluts, which according to me is a very stupid thing to do. A non-virgin is not necessarily a sex-hungry pig, and someone who hasn’t had sex before is not necessarily a saint.

Coming back to the point of male hypocrisy….Most men will hang out with all the ‘hep’ girls as bachelors and sometimes even sleep with them, but when it comes to marriage, they would choose to go with a homely girl with a simple background preferably of their own community. I, inspite of being a boy, fail to understand that why most men overrate virginity when it comes to choosing one’s life-partner. For me, virginity of the girl I intend to marry is not as important as other factors. Of course, in such cases, the parameters change from person to person. But I wish to ask people, “what if your “pure” wife refuses to take care of your aging parents??“, “what if she doesn’t understand you properly and seldom helps you when you are feeling low??“, “what if she can’t take proper care of your children??“, “what if she CHEATS on you??“. Anything can happen.

Some people might say that there is nothing “NEW” you can offer in the marriage if you aren’t a virgin.They say marriage loses its ‘zing‘. I completely disagree with such an attitude. I feel that this kind of attitude indicates that marriage is just about sex. A married couple have to convert a house into a home, give birth to children, raise them, teach them good values, guide them and maintain a happy family, at least that’s the “perfect” prototype. We, men, should realize that if we expect something from our women, then even they have the right to do so.

By writing this post, neither am I supporting premarital sex nor am I asking people to fuck around before marriage and laugh about their sexual status. I am asking people to broaden their mindsets and think from a different point of view. We are no-more in medieval times and it is entirely upon an individual if he/she indulges into premarital sex. Growing youth power is out to experiment, for better or worse.Virginity is overrated. I think it is better to focus on real relationship issues. Instead, it acts as a distraction when you are young and is used as a bludgeon against the young when you are old. Bah.

If you aren’t a virgin while going into a marriage, have the balls to accept that your wife may also not be one. 

Written by Femi Shine with input from  from

1 comment:

  1. Your words are point blank which give you a very drastic conviction about the whole scenario.The average mindset of the people in our society today is really devastating.There is more to marital life than just searching for a virgin in today's society (Nigeria) that is filled with awkward perceptions about marital life.Apparently,the villages and towns are getting exposed more on the reversed side of life rather than seeing the footpath that will lead them to achieving a sustainable marital life.A woman with a good attitude,a wonderful sense of home management and will fix all vital things in place as nothing to do with the loss of virginity because about 90% as loose there virginity due to peer pressures.Further more,the rate at which the age range you have mentioned earlier on loose there virginity is the due to the negative information's they are fed with in the wrong circle of people,who you spend time with matters alot.So,there should be a huge teaching about sex and marriage,it is a decision you make at the rightful age when in a relationship but bibliographically its after marriage.

    Keep up the good job Mr Femi Shine.
    Qentro Stacks.


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